Domingo Quitongan Casiwan

(Nov. 27, 1010 marks Daddy's first death anniversary. Even as we do remember him often, I wish to re-post this blog article I posted a year ago.-che)

"THE WARRIOR IS A CHILD"

"Lately I've been winning battles left and right.
But even winners can get wounded in the fight."

Daddy has been fighting since childhood. He fought for his future when at an early age in Agawa village, his father died. He decided that education is his way out so he traveled to La Trinidad and fought for his education. Washing dishes in the then famous Manila Café in Baguio city was just one of his many bouts. God was gracious enough to use his perseverance, and win him a degree and a first job at Easters’ School (now Easter College) as a teacher. He later moved to the then Mountain State Agricultural College, now Benguet State University (BSU).

When God granted him a scholarship to the UK for a diploma course, he thought diplomas are almost not recognized in the Philippines compared with degrees so while completing the course, he applied for a scholarship to be able to pursue an MS degree. In his words, “I never studied very hard that much in my whole life.” By God’s grace, he got himself a scholarship and went on to get his MS degree at Reading University.

He had his share of flaws. When he was young and not so young, he kept fighting his drinking problem. He was a mess when a drunk. He can be found sleeping in some sari-sari store or outside our door. He always tried to control, but always, he was unsuccessful. It took Christ's power and a redeemed heart for him to finally be able to stop.

He fought and worked hard for our family. At some period, we were five going to different universities all at the same time. How unimaginable for parents this time. “That education is the only inheritance he can leave us“ became almost a cliché for the household because of how often he repeated it. He nailed to our minds the value of getting an education. (He silently wished one of us would take up Law, which was his one unfulfilled dream.) I cannot remember anymore what our discourse then was about, but his teasing voice saying "I thought you are intelligent!" with a triumphant laugh subsequently became a household phrase or punchline, even now in my own family.

At BSU, God raised him through the ranks and allowed him to achieve full professorship some years before he retired. He often fought for the faculty and staff. He had detractors, yet often, when there was something the faculty or staff would like to lobby, he was always urged or entreated to assert or be the spokesperson. I know this from his many accounts of how people can be friends or foes depending on the circumstance, and how so often, people forget. He had shortcomings and made mistakes yet I know in those 36 years, he sincerely served and fought for BSU in many little ways unknown to many. When his stint as VP for research was ending, we were discussing whether he should go for renewal during one of our weekend talks. I opined, "What for, when you can just enjoy life sans the stress and the intrigues."

He fought for the pigs, the chicken, the pig raisers. I remember how he was sometimes sought for by neighbors who had sick pigs. He was often mistaken to be a Vet (Dr.) as he was a PhD holder in Animal Science and called Dr. He fought for indigent communities whom he didn’t know. He facilitated a HELP project, a yearly program where students from some British Universities visit the Philippines for sightseeing, but at the same time establish at least one community project they themselves construct with the help of local folks.

Always, he fought for his kakailian (co-villagers). He was a member of the Agawa people’s organization, and a long-time adviser to the Agawa credit cooperative based in Baguio and Benguet. He has been in La Trinidad for around two-thirds of his lifetime, yet he always cherished the times with his kakailian during lalapet, an old Agawa village tradition of eating lalapet, a sort of rice cake – powdered rice and glutinous rice filled with roasted grated peanuts steamed in banana leaves. He boasts of the small Agawa credit cooperative which now has a million-pesos worth assets. It is both conjecture and prayer on my part, but I think in God's sovereignty, his life story inspired and will continue to inspire our kakailian regarding the virtue of hard work and learning.

Months before he was about to retire from the University, he was diagnosed with chronic renal failure. He had to undergo dialysis twice then later thrice a week. This started his long fight with life. He said, it was painful and tiring, but along with mama, he fought with bravery the frequent dialysis sessions, congestions, and the handful of drug capsules and tablets he had to take before or after every meal. He recognized that death is in God’s time, yet human as he is, he asked God to tarry a little while longer if possible. Every injection, every handful of medicines, every hospital admission was a fight for another week, another month, another year. God was gracious enough to him and to our family in those five years.

In August this year, for reasons unknown, he suddenly lost control of his nerves and muscles. He was diagnosed with a spinal problem and couldn’t move from his neck down. His body was weak, but with his mind still sharp, he tried to reconcile God’s love and his tremendous suffering. This started his fight with his own faith, alternating between his assurance of an eternal life with Christ and his human desire to live for a little time more. He recognized how blessed he was in his lifetime, but in his pain and suffering, poverty in spirit overcame him.

A week before he died, he told mama he is tired, and asked to be given a week.

"He drops his sword and cries for just a while.
Cuz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child."

"Judging by the wrong standards"

(Below are excerpts from the book "What is a Healthy Church Member?" by Thabiti M. Anyabwile. Great reading. - che)

Another thing that often misguides Christians when it comes to spiritual group is the tendency to judge our well-being by comparing ourselves to others. Many Christians are relativists in this way. The Pharisee was proud before God that he "was not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector."...

Jonathan Edwards's eighth resolution is a better approach. Edwards wrote:

"RESOLVED, To act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings, as others, and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God." (Source: The Works of Jonathan Edwards, vol. 1 (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1998),Lxii.)

If we're focusing on others in an attempt to justify ourselves before God or to "exalt ourselves" as "giants of the faith," we will not only not grow as we ought, but we will also delude ourselves into thinking we're better than we are. And we may be sure that God will humble us. So it is better to humble ourselves and trust in the grace of God than to be opposed by God because of pride (James 4:6; 1 Pet. 5:5)