Indokno

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years of God's goodness to Khane

Th...ree says Chairo

With the Benguet Agripinoy Trading Center (BAPTC) brains

100 days at BSU

(ala the tradition of looking at your first 100 days or so in a new office, am writing to document my thoughts and feelings and accomplishments ‘kuno’ in my first 100 days at BSU)

Identity crisis: that I am now from BSU no longer from PhilRice

My moving in to BSU was sort of bad timing--BSU failed to qualify in getting their PBB daw so everyone seems to be in a ‘disappointment mode’; alleged problems in the length and flow of communications to and from the Office of the President; a loser in the presidential race and dislodged middle management or detractors are allegedly making issues which is adding to the discontent among BSU faculty and staff. I also realized that my being hired was an issue in itself, even when I did go through the process, was lost and confused in it, and even lost a precious baby in the process.

I will never know the real score why I was given a research position instead of the vacant faculty position published in the Baguio Midland Courier that I applied and was first interviewed for. Perhaps the research position was the best according to God’s unfathomable wisdom and plan. My frequent comfort and encouragement was my beloved reformed Presbyterian husband’s deep belief in God’s sovereignty and full trust that God is in control. “You were hired because of God’s grace. Period. Not even your credentials could have brought you to BSU,” he would always stress. However miserable I was in my first few days, I was joyful and content (even when it was finally decided by the personnel officer that I should get a salary equal to my salary 15 years back at PhilRice which I figure may stay like that until my retirement). I was joyful for my husband, for my kids, for my mother—my greatest treasures in life. I was not very happy leaving PhilRice, my home for more than 20 years, but I am joyful, joyful that I can still be joyful, and that am finally home.

I remember one VP telling me “Sigurado ka ba sa ginagawa mo?” Another unit officer said “Ang ganda ganda na ng kinalalagyan mo sa PhilRice, bakit ka pa pumunta dito? May Ph.D. ka na ba?” I saw looks that talked. I saw hi’s and smiles that quickly faded. I suddenly missed Sir Rodolfo Abastilla’s smile big time. I was very glad I felt a really genuine hug and welcome greeting from a lowlander teacher who probably didn’t care much about tribes and places of origin.

For months, I may have erred a lot: “Sa PhilRice kasi ganito…”, “Dun kasi sa PhilRice…”, “Dun kasi sa amin, I mean sa PhilRice…”, “Maganda siguro may document tracking system…”, "Dun kasi ang sinasign lang ng..." “maganda siguro magsegregate tayo kasi may solid waste management program ang La Trinidad…” After more than two months, some form of equilibrium ensued and it finally dawned on me that now I am from BSU, a different institution with norms, systems and processes of its own. My tendency to compare finally waned, to the joy of my hearers.

Administrative work

A pregnant officemate gave birth and had to go on leave. I was tasked by the secretary to take care of that officemate's part of documents. It was a good learning experience. I was appalled by how many documents the President had to read and sign each day—even just a 1 day travel order, or a 200-worth purchase order, DV, etc. I figured with such volume of communications and an executive assistant located away from the President, no wonder I overhear complaints regarding missing or misplaced documents, delayed delivery of communications, or unfriendly staff. I felt that the logbook system of tracking was fine, yet I feel there must be a more efficient way of tracking documents (just count how many people need to record 1 document and add it up). It took me around two-three hours to log supplies-related documents before releasing. I was pre-schooled with POs, PRs, BAC, etc.

After the experience, I was thinking with the volume of things to sign, the president has little time left to think, conceptualize about or study the more important things, generate resources, manage. Blame it to my body type, I thought I couldn’t just watch. I talked to the executive assistant, and bravely tried to talk to the President regarding reviewing the delegation of signing authorities. I was dismissed kindly and was ordered to do something not related. He talked about the culture at BSU being different. I thought to myself agin-lalaingak met gamin, indeed BSU is not PhilRice… another reminder that I am now at BSU.

I tried to develop an access database so that all incoming documents are recorded, either the documents are recorded as they are released or can be printed and those releasing will just double check and release the documents. I tried recording for a day and it seemed to work. However, the secretary dismissed the system saying “no January tayo nlng i-start” -- she apparently did not want to be the one who will encode all incoming documents, or perhaps just got used to writing in the logbook.

It was a little difficult at first because per my ‘position description’, administrative work was not in the list. Though I wanted to help, it seemed or I felt I was not welcome to do it because there are four administrative staff there already. But during meetings, it seemed the President expected me to be involved. Anyway, I just tried to do what he tasked me and continue to remind myself of what was in my ‘position description form’.

BSU does not segregate waste
We do not segregate waste at the BSU-OP, hence maybe BSU community on the whole do not segregate waste (quite strikingly shocking to me because BSU is a prime institution in La Trinidad, Benguet, a town proud of its solid solid waste management program; even in Tabangaoen, Balili, we must segregate or your residual waste will not be collected). Or maybe proper segregation was the culture PhilRice has engrained in me that it was unthinkable not to segregate. So I saw two trash bins and labelled it “biodegradable” and “plastic/non-biodegradable”. A day or two after, my labels were trashed along with the trash. I stopped trying and accepted the culture.

I did try to suggest to a member of the administrative council to suggest that BSU should be a model in waste segregation.  We still do not segregate until now. I remember how difficult for PhilRice staff at first also, but now it worked and is working. Anyway, I'm still hoping someday that BSU faculty, staff and students will segregate wastes.

“Funding is not a problem if you have a good project”

I was given a research position but I am stationed under the Office of the President as special assistant for external affairs or something like that--assist in packaging proposals daw, craft proposals for partnerships and linkages, and do ‘anything’ I am tasked to do. Research was difficult enough. Unclear TOR is doubly more difficult. It was good I still brought with me some projects from PhilRice and the President approved the collaboration.

I was tasked to check sources of funds for development projects, partnerships, etc. and check the themes and formats. I found many possible sources of funding for development projects, research projects, a few for institutional links and mobility programs. Two major constraints I noted are: 1) The Philippines is not a beneficiary in many of the available funding/grants (in SE Asia, usually only Laos, Cambodia and  Myanmar are eligible countries, and if a beneficiary, Benguet is generally not a priority area; and 2) Many development assistance are given to applicants in the donor country who then collaborate with the partner agency in the least developed/developing recipient country. So to be able to access those funds, it is the organization located in the donor country who is the principal applicant. The schemes and modes are different but this is the common system.  This means that initial linkages and networks are necessary, official or personal professional networks.

One major lesson I learned is if an institution would like to strengthen and create sustainable fund sources, partnerships or linkages, precedents and first impressions matter. A funding agency I called, for example, said bluntly “Yes you can submit proposal anytime but until BSU completes project X (a project they funded for BSU), we will not evaluate your proposal.” Apparently BSU did not deliver immediately its counterpart fund commitment so the project is not yet completed. Another project which had problems with liquidation is stopping many from proposing again to the subsequent calls because “what happened in the first case” becomes a factor for evaluators. The problem is they usually do not look at individuals involved, but generalize for the institution.

A final and significant note I was reminded of was a statement a PUM senior citizen expert (Netherlands Senior Experts): “In my experience, as long as you have a good project, money is usually not a problem.”

With that, I actually almost stopped looking for the calls/funding agencies/formats etc. I realized, indeed, indeed, it is better for projects to be conceptualized first before finding an agency to fund it. Never mind the calls and the deadlines, just conceptualize and write a good project concept. So I reduced my time looking for the calls and the themes as I was tasked. I still forward to selected faculty and staff really good and relevant opportunities be it scholarships, grants or calls for proposals for their information.

And since bilateral and collaborative programs are not just what I’m hired to help with, my major job description being research, I decided to craft research proposals as well. That is after all what I was trained for. Of the four proposals I submitted in those first 3 months, one was turned down (didn’t make it to the chosen 10 among more than 100 proposals submitted), one was not acknowledged so I am not sure if it was received or not, two are still under review. Whether at least one makes it or not, I am guided to keep thinking, writing, discussing with those who are interested, trying and who knows, God may grant me that “one good project “ in due time.

The rest of the time, I do the “perform other tasks assigned to her” part of my job description.

Early Imaginings

Trying to be a researcher as my position called for and wanting to orient myself about BSU 'affairs', I tried to read the BSU annual reports in the last 10 years. I realized how vast and wide the research scope and horizon at BSU is (at least relative to PhilRice). For 20 years, I had to study something related to rice and the few rice-based crops and products. But at BSU, one can work on any highland or no highland vegetable, fruit or flower, any root crops, any crop or animal really; or any issue--climate change, organic agriculture, solid waste management, environmental conservation, nursing, cooperatives, NGOs, industry... One (at least the faculty) can do anything related to instruction, research, development, extension, training, commercialization, production, basic, applied... research themes of almost about anything. I was somehow excited, and started imagining for BSU.  My earliest imaginations were: 
- a technical cooperation project... 
- a biocontrol production plant supplying most of the CAR and other regions; 
- a yearly "lakbay organik" in an organic agriculture park--something the farming/academic community can look forward to each year; 
- a fenced and preserved strawberry central park with R&D center; 
- a children's park near the BSU oval haha; 
- a genebank for highland horticultural crops, and eventually a molecular laboratory that can be used especially for highland/semi-temperate crops, etc (oops, organic agriculture alright, but the trend in science is towards genetic engineering); 
- an additional subject "environmental or resource economics" for environmental science or agricultural economics students or additional major in the Department of Agricultural Economics; 
- summer schools or joint summer schools with selected SCUs or agency in specific fields--something line agency staff and academic people especially from the lowlands will look forward to each year; 
- a document tracking system in place at BSU; 
- a grant (with loan) program for greenhouse/GAP-compliance; 

Imaginings indeed, but well who knows. I'm tasked to be a pusher, pusher I will be.

“I saw grace. I see grace.”

“Jesus, my help, I call on your name.

I cast my cares on you…

… I see grace, sealed by your sacrifice.

I see love reaching for me.

…Bearer of sin, afflicted and tried

You paid redemption’s price.

Bearing my curse…

Your death has brought me life.”

Overall, from the time I applied to my first 100 days, I saw grace. I saw it most during the application period, during the two nerve-wracking job interviews (and the two more teaching demonstration and job interviews I went through in another institution because of my impatience and lack of trust), in the death of my much desired supposed to be third child, in the issues both at PhilRice (the 'on humanitarian ground' permission to transfer since I only finished 50% of my required return service) and BSU (why “the outsider” was taken), in the demotion back to my previous position and salary rate 15-yrs ago, in my work assignment and job description confusion, in my first 100 days experience. Through it all, I saw grace in the full support of my husband.

Sinful sinner as I am, I deserved nothing, but I saw grace, see grace and believe I will see more grace. 

May I be able to give back the utmost service to my Redeemer in this new place, new work He has allowed me to have. May I be able to more fully support my husband in his vocation and service to the Maker. May I be able to properly and lovingly take care of him and my kids that they may grow to grow in His grace as well. May I be able to be an encouragement to my church who prayed and continually prays for my family. May I be able to give glory only to the One Master who made all things possible.

The Problem of Pain --And the Answer of Love

(We have this board game similar to the more popular snake and ladder, except it is on bugs and aphids. Khane, for reasons I fail to understand, usually lose because he keeps drawing the cards that says Go Back 1, 2, 3 or 4 spaces or he usually steps on a space where he needs to go back to START. It is very difficult for a 4-year old to always lose during games. It is much more difficult for parents to put across to a 4-year old the principle of sportsmanship, the fact of games by chance, the principle that it is better to be honest and lose, than to cheat and win, or the principle of being happy for somebody who wins. One time, when I was explaining to him that it's OK to lose, he said with his eyes communicating what he was saying, "Paano po kapag lagi lagi naman ako natatalo."

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

— Jeremiah 29:11

The discipline of the Father who sent Jesus is not punitive and is not pointless, but is full of grace. We cannot always prove this by the facts available to the human eye in a fallen world. Still, Scripture gives us eyes of faith to see that God’s plans are to benefit us and not to harm us; to give us a future and a hope (Jer. 29:11). He who did not spare his own Son but delivered him up for us will along with that gift provide whatever is needed for our eternal well being (Rom. 8:32).

So that we will perceive the reality of God’s affection despite the real afflictions we must endure in this world, the Bible makes the ministry of Jesus its theme from the first page to the last. Every character, event, and teaching in Scripture unfolds the mystery that God has loved his people from eternity and has sent his Son to redeem them from weakness and fit them for heaven. God’s passion to save and sanctify his children is so great that it takes priority for him over all our other comforts, pursuits, and affections.

This does not mean that God conforms us to his purposes by discipline alone. No, his ordinary way of molding our hearts is by overwhelming blessing through loving families, provision of all that we need (not all our desires, which would be unhealthy for us), providential control of all circumstances for our good, and joy in him.

Why then does God allow our trials? Perhaps because we often let blessings and comforts dull our perceptions of our greater need to find ultimate and eternal fulfillment in him. God loves us too much to let us become deaf to his voice. As C. S. Lewis put it in The Problem of Pain, “God whispers to us in our pleasures . . . but shouts in our pains.” For our good, God trains us through treasures and trials, by joys and sorrows, through denial of vain desires, and by blessing beyond what we can ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20).

All our heavenly Father allows he carefully designs to promote our spiritual good, eternal salvation, and ultimate fulfillment through the joy of knowing him (Rom. 8:28). What greater expression of his love could there be than that?

(This material is adapted from the Devotionals from LivingChristToday from the Covenant Theological Seminary. It is lifted from chapter 7 of Bryan Chapell’s book Holiness By Grace: Delighting in the Joy That is Our Strength (Crossway, 2001).)

Real love stories never end

by White River Band

Once upon a time in Bethlehem

A King was born to save the soul of men

He left His throne prepared to give His life

And love beyond compare caused Him to die

Once upon a time at Calvary

A perfect sacrifice set men free

The force of evil began to celebrate

But death could not hold him in the grave

Refrain: 

Real love stories never end

For the hero in this story is coming back again

It’s no fairy tale for He died for you my friend

Real love stories never end

Once upon a time not long ago

I was so confused and all alone

But Jesus gave me love beyond measure

And we'll  live happily ever after 

(Repeat refrain)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV15ndWBf3U