The brothers

And in His perfect timing... He opens the windows...

(A letter sent to me confirming the earlier call from BSU-HR. Thank you God.)

Neuro-psychiatric exam

As a requirement for something God has cooked for me,  I went to take a neuro-psychiatric exam. I thought it was just one of those medical examinations only to find out that it was a battery of paper exams including an IQ exam, and drawing a boy and a girl haha. Questions I remember being asked:
- What was your happiest moment?
- What was your saddest moment?
- What is your greatest weakness?
- What is your greatest regret?
- What are the qualities you like with your husband? or something like that
- Complete this sentence: My father is ________________.
and some hundred other questions.

Anyway, while I was able to draw a boy and a girl haha, I wasn't able to complete the IQ exam because time was up, which probably shows that my IQ is below or just average. That, I already know. My old usual line goes "I don't have high IQ, I am just hardworking." I upgraded that line some years back to "I don't have high IQ, everything is only by grace and hardwork."

After two hours, I was finally done and felt tired. The song "Who cares" from one of my favorite albums- 'What Ya Gonna Do' - Jubilation' came to mind...
the lyrics goes...
... I don't need the wealth of a king
'Cause when I found Jesus,  I found everything...
... Who cares if I'm not always there
... Who cares if I'm not a millionaire
... Who cares if the world thinks I'm square
'Cause I fin'lly found someone who cares...
... I don't need my name in neon lights
... I don't need a doctor messing with my mind
I don't need to hear you're? every/average? plan
'Cause my embarrassments are in glory land...

Overall, the experience was educational, and while I will never know the results because I am not allowed to open the results, the verdict is probably that I am sane and don't have severe mental disorder? below average or average IQ?...

But like what the song above says... Who cares...I don't need a doctor messing with my mind... because thank God, ...my embarrassments are in glory land...

Chairo turns 2

He Opens the Window

(This song is track 10 in the musical "The Dreamer"- a Dove Award winning musical produced by Cam Floria in 1983; sang by Continental Singers. Listen to other equally encouraging songs from the album http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD7E507E3256480ED)

Narrator: The butler made a promise that he’d go before the pharaoh to tell him Joseph’s situation and the way that he’d been treated. The promise was forgotten and the days turned into years but through it all, God provided patience and the faith that Joseph needed.

When doubts and disappointments hide the morning sun

When all my dreams have ended, all my song are sung,

his spirit soars within me, every doubt is gone,

I see a new horizon, and sing a brand new song. . .

For in this perfect timing, up ahead the light is shining

and I know the dawn will be arriving very soon

When God closes the door he opens a window, a window

He opens a window so I can see

He’s working it out

the very best for (The very best for me) me

He opens a window just just for me

In every road I travel  leads back to where I’ve been...

When  fears about tomorrow settle deep within

He gives me new direction and takes the fears away

He opens up the future and brings a brand new day

New day . . .

For in this perfect timing up ahead the light is shining

and I know the dawn will be arriving very soon

When God closes the door he opens a window(a window)

He opens a window so I can see

He’s working it out the very best for (The very best for me) me

He opens a window just for m

For in this perfect timing up ahead the light is shining

and I know the dawn will be arriving very soon

When God closes the door he opens a window (a window)

He opens a window so I can see

He’s working it out the very best for me

Now I know he’ll open a window just. . for. . me. . .

Miscarriage101

First, it was just some spot, then some reddish fresh blood, then some dark red blood. Then there was the mild cramping much like what you get days before your monthly, then more dark blood, then some blood clots, and larger blood clots.

Some more cramping, then painful cramping, then more blood clots.

I called the Dr as soon as there was spot. The advice was for me to take bed rest, drink ‘pampakapit’ and observe, report in the morning to the clinic if the spotting continues.

I informed the Dr as soon as there were blood clots.

Dr1:  “Naku baka makunan ka a. Did we see some heartbeat?”

Me:  “Not yet, I am due for ultrasound on November 9, my next check. What will I do?”

Dr1:  “Kung kaya mo naman para ka lang magmemens, at bukas punta ka dito clinic sa Cab at tingnan natin kung may natira pa.”

Me: “So sure na po ba na nakunan na ako.”

Dr1: “Di pa, tingnan pa nga natin. Pwede ka rin take uli pampakapit.”

Me: “Sige po Dra. Punta nlng ako sa clinic bukas.”

More blood clots. More cramping.

Upon the suggestion of my bestfriend, we went to the nearest hospital.

At the emergency room, I was informed by the resident Dr that I will be admitted because I may need to have an emergency ultrasound.  After like an hour or so, no action, just questions from attendants, more questions.

More blood, more blood clots.

Per instruction of Dr2, I was brought to the operating room. They prepared me. For what, they did not say. They say the Dr will explain to me.

(At the operating room)

Me: (to the attendant looking at her directly): “Nakunan na ba ako?”

With hesitance, she said “Oo.”

Dr2 (comes in at the OR, checks my cervix):  Bukas na. Lilinisin na natin. Iraraspa na kita. Anong room mo?

Me: semi-private

Dr2: 12000 singil namin sa ganito. (appears to leave)

Me (calling her back): Dra, ano po ba ang cause?

Dr2: Maraming pwede cause. Pwedeng… (didn’t understand) pwedeng naturaleza na mahina kapit ng baby. (leaves)

They inject anesthesia 2x IV, and injected something on my arm. I started to numb somehow but I was conscious.

They started this very painful process (doing it while loudly telling stories and laughing about as if I was not there, not in pain) unmindful of what I felt.

I probably passed out because when I woke up, I was at my room with my husband and bestfriend and his hubby.

That was it. I didn’t know what to think. My husband was talking and I cannot internalize a thing, I was just saying yes. I did remember praying with him earnestly.

Dr2 didn’t come back to check on me. I was just discharged from the hospital as soon as I paid.

Thinking back

Q1:         Would my baby have survived if I went to the hospital sooner or as soon as I had spotting?

Q2:         While instinctively I knew, was it right that I was not given proper explanation of what happened and why?

I will never go to Dr2 again. Not ever.

The guilt of not taking very good care of myself and my baby

I knew I was pregnant, I tested positive 4 out of 5 times, I am a month delayed, and my Dr1 confirmed it at 6 weeks. But I didn’t have or didn’t have yet the nausea, the vomiting, and the salivating. So while I ate nutritious food and took some good food (prescribed to my body type), I went about my usual office routine, travelling when I had to, giving up the longer trips though.

The one bad thing I think is I subjected my baby to a nerve-wracking stressful situation; something I thought I was doing for the best of my family anyway. The second bad thing is I aggravated it by travelling again another four hours.

I was and still consumed with guilt.

My comfort

I take comfort in the truth that God is sovereign and is in control. While I may not have taken all the necessary precautions and didn’t take very good care of myself and my baby in those 8 weeks, I know He could have allowed it to continue. I know He is gracious enough to have allowed me to conceive again, why wouldn’t He be gracious enough to let us have her or him. Apparently He had other plans.

I do not know His purpose yet and I may never know and may never understand. But however difficult to accept and understand, I know I can trust my Redeemer, that He knows what is best.

I hope to be able to forgive myself in time and let go of this guilt and move on. Meantime, I will watch with calm anticipation as God unfolds His plans. May God grant me strength, power and wisdom to cooperate and find pleasure in them, difficult or pleasurable they may be.

Every pregnancy has a story (hihi)

Khane Kits: honeymoon baby, made in the Philippines, 3 peanut-sized stones, born in Japan.
Chairo Paul: made in Palawan, torn achilles tendon, almost came out on the taxi, born in Baguio city.
Kharece Reba (assuming!!!): third and last baby, made not sure, aborted 3-wks trip to India, born ?

God is good and He is great.
God is good and He is great.
God is good and He is great.

No wonder David can worship God the way he does in many of the Psalms.
No wonder Nehemiah can pray the way he does in the book of Nehemiah.
No wonder Paul can speak of God's grace, mercy, power and glory in his epistles.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? – Psalm 8:3-4

"How is it that God comes forth from so noble and glorious a part of his works, and stoops down to us, poor worms of the earth, if it is not to magnify and to give a more illustrious manifestation of his goodness? From this, also, we learn, that those are chargeable with a very presumptuous abuse of the goodness of God, who take occasion from it to be proud of the excellence which they possess, as if they had either obtained it by their own skill, or as if they possessed it on account of their own merit; whereas their origin should rather remind them that it has been gratuitously conferred upon those who are otherwise vile and contemptible creatures, and utterly unworthy of receiving any good from God. Whatever estimable quality, therefore, we see in ourselves, let it stir us up to celebrate the free and undeserved goodness of God in bestowing it upon us."- Calvin J. commentary on Psalm 8:3-4 http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/calvin/cc08/cc08013.htm

Life begins at forty?

When I posted that I was just promoted to 40 (salamat at down ang firewall :)), I got these many comments about life beginning at 40. I was curious about what this phrase really meant and the origin of it. So I did my little review of literature and here’s what I got (from the internet of course).

"It means“Life begins to be better in one's middle age.”

It’s deemed origin

The notion that 'life begins at forty' is a 20th century one; prior to that it was more accurate to say 'death begins at forty' as most people didn't live much beyond that age. Life expectancy in mediaeval England was around 25 years and only reached forty sometime around the turn of the 20th century. By the 1930s many, in western societies at least, could expect a decent spell of reasonably affluent retirement, free from work and the responsibilities of childcare. Household gadgets like washing machines and vacuum cleaners were becoming more widely used and had begun to relieve women's drudgery and offer them increasing amounts of leisure time as compared to their Victorian mothers.

In 1932, the American psychologist Walter Pitkin published the self-help book Life Begins at Forty. Pitkin stated confidently:

“Life begins at forty. This is the revolutionary outcome of our New Era. Today it is half a truth. Tomorrow it will be an axiom.”

Pitkin is often credited with coining the phrase and, while it is true that his popular book was the cause of it becoming part of the language, he wasn't the first to express the idea, or even the phrase itself. The take-up of the idea was rapid and 'life begins at forty' appears many times in newspapers and other printed records from 1932 onwards. This was propelled further into the American consciousness in 1937 via a recording of the song 'Life begins at Forty', written by Yellen and Shapiro and sung by Sophie Tucker.

However, we need to go back a way to find the origin of the phrase. The great 19th century German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer came close to it with his view:

"The first forty years of life give us the text: the next thirty supply the commentary."

In keeping with the reduction of the toil of domestic work and child rearing that began freeing up women's free time to some extent at the start of the 20th century, the first reference to life beginning at forty refers specifically to women.

Mrs. Theodore Parsons was Physical Director of Schools in Chicago and, in 1912, wrote Brain Culture Through Scientific Body Building. It wasn't a runaway best-seller, but the arrival of the USA in the First World War in 1917 gave her views a new lease of life. In April of that year The Pittsburgh Press printed a feature on Mrs. Parsons and her no-nonsense opinions about the benefits of a brisk exercise programme that she acquired from her soldier husband (Mr. Theodore Parsons was, sadly, recently deceased - presumably from exhaustion):

"The average woman does not know how to breathe, sit, stand or walk. Now I want women to train for the special duties which may devolve upon them in war time. Death begins at thirty, that is, deterioration of the muscle cells sets in. Attention to diet and exercise would enable men and women to live a great deal longer than they do today. The best part of a woman's life begins at forty."

What special duties Mrs. Parsons had in mind, stationed as she was in Chicago, isn't clear. The paper was good enough to include a graphic of the dynamic couple, demonstrating their method in action, so you can give it a try and see if it works.

Life expectancy has continued to move on and forty now seems no age at all. In 1991, the New York Times printed this opinion:

All our age benchmarks, which used to seem solid as rocks, have turned into shifting sands. 'Life begins at 40? More like 60'."

So, if it originated with the issue on life expectancy then maybe (or who knows) life probably has not begun yet for me. It’s probably “life begins at 50, 60, 70.”

If it meant the time when the toil of domestic work and child rearing had ended and I have more free time, then life also probably has not begun yet for me. I have two very young boys -one turning 6 and the other turning 2 both in November. In that case “life begins at 50” and if I do decide to try having another one-girl (oops), then “life begins at 60, 70”.

But if indeed the phrase meant “life begins to better in one’s ‘middle-age’” and if we define ‘middle-age’ as “the period of age beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age” then it’s really relative depending on your current state when you hit the middle-age. One maybe still trying to conceive while one probably is starting to put through college her kids so that ‘life getting better’ may or may not really be true for all.

Anyway, even for this phrase in verdict, we can also always look at it from the worldview of the gospel. When we do that, then life for us really begun the moment we have consciously understood and accepted Christ’s redemptive grace in our lives. To the Evangelicals, this might actually be the time you have been converted. To the Pentecostals, this might be the time you thought you have experienced the baptism with the Holy Spirit. To those with the reformed view, this might actually be at the time you have been regenerated—the exact time you may not know. Quoting John Murray:

There is a change that God effects in man, radical and reconstructive in its nature, called new birth, new creation, regeneration, renewal—a change that cannot be accounted for by anything that is in lower terms than the interposition of the almighty power of God....It is the Holy Spirit working directly, efficaciously and irresistibly upon man’s heart and mind, making the man over again, and creating him anew after the image of Christ in holiness and righteousness of the truth. A revolution, a reconstruction takes place at the center of man’s moral and spiritual being: sin and pollution are dethroned in the citadel of man’s being, and righteousness takes its place.

In later Reformed theology the term regeneration has been chosen to designate the initial act, that act in which God alone is active, while conversion is frequently used to designate the logically subsequent phase in which the person is active as a result of the grace which the person’s consciousness is engaged in the exercise of faith and repentance. Regeneration in this restricted sense is logically antecedent to any saving response in the consciousness or understanding of the subject. Regeneration is a change wrought by the Spirit in order that the person may savingly respond to the summons, or demand of the call, embodied in the gospel call (John Murray, Collected Writings of John Murray (Edinburgh: Banner, 1977), Volume 2, pp. 171-172).

So, did life begin for me when I turned forty some days ago?

Yes and No.

Yes, life begun for me at forty because I realized I should become more conscious and serious  about doing things with more relevance and significance, whether it is for my family, my work, my friends, the brethren or for the Kingdom. Yun bang nakakahiya na po  yata na wala pang nagagawa na may eternal significance kasi 40 na.  Yes, because the fear of “baka ako’y tumanda na walang pinagkatandaan” started to set in. The phrase ‘maiksi lang ang buhay’ became much more real.

No, because my belief is life indeed begun when God, because of His love, effected in me the new birth—‘radical and reconstructive in its nature’. That by virtue of the grace of Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection, and through repentance and faith, I am redeemed, justified, and continuously being sanctified. I cannot say exactly when that life begun and I will never be perfect until that fateful day in glory, but I cannot be more thankful to the faithful One who made it possible for my life to begin.

References:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/life-begins-at-forty.html

http://www.christiantruth.com/articles/gospelregeneration.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/

Chairo's punchlines at 1yr5mos

Habang buhay, pupupu

Mama (singing):  Habang bu--hay, papupurihan ka. Habang bu—hay maglilingkod sa iyo…

Chairo (singing): Ha bu-------hay, pupupu. Ha bu------hay pupupupu.

(In my mind, oo nga naman).

Ate Khane

Chairo: (Laughing his naughty laugh): “Ate Khane”

Khane: grrrrr.

Musing on how to give back to farmers the economic value of rice by-products--rice husk, rice hull, rice bran

 

"Nanoparticles from rice husks set for use in batteries"-scidev.net

 

10 rice husk-powered power plants eyed across the country - Inquirer News

 

Power from rice hulls taking shape in Nueva Ecija - Inquirer News

 

 Silica gel from rice hull? - Bureau of Agricultural Research

 Both the rice mill byproduct and the ground hull have found markets as carriers for vitamins, Pharmaceuticals, biologicals, toxicants, and seeds.- books.google.com.ph/books?isbn=0442004850

 Rice bran and germ oil , supplement to improve Your Healthcare ...

 

"Sorption potential of rice husk for the removal of 2,4-dichlorophenol from aqueous solutions: Kinetic and thermodynamic investigations" - (whatever that means-che)

Journal of Hazardous Materials

Volume 128, Issue 1, 16 January 2006, Pages 44–52

 "In this work we provide the technological parameters for obtaining silicon dioxide from rice husk for its possible use at the pharmaceutical ..." -
www.jmaterenvironsci.com/.../vol3/.../77-JMES-231-2012-Ledesma.pdf‎

The point in all these news and research reports is that rice by-products have come a long way - from a virtually useless waste to economically valuable products. But as yet, the farmers who produce the raw product is only paid the price for the table rice-at least for the bulk of the paddy rice sold as rough rice. How can we give back to farmers the value of these raw materials use for these valuable by-products?

Kultura

 (nice landscape-great for picture taking, nice background music-mix of country and pop, dirty swimming pools and pretty expensive charges though. thanks Beryn.)

Notes from the EEPSEA Journal Writing Workshop

on specialization
"it's tough to work on many topics and go somewhere..it's hard to go from one thing to another..specialization is extremely important.. do not spread yourself too thin.."
"don't do many things. do something you're good at."
"don't do too many papers that you don't get anything done."
"specialize to some extent to that you build on what you have known so far.. so that when somebody asks about the issue, they come to you."

on publishing
"publishing is sometimes one of the things that is not subject to the law of diminishing returns."
"acceptance rates of good journals in economics is 2-5%"
"the median of citation of published papers in good economic journal is 0. so number of citations not necessarily mean good papers?"
"Case studies are tough sell."
"Paper with too many elements are tough sell"
"in cover letter, do not say too much about the paper. 2-3 sentences ok. let the paper set the context and contribution."
"on first submission, do not be overly concerned with formats of footnotes, etc. if accepted, you have all the time to do it."
"research notes are fine."
"how long do you wait before you follow up? generally, if you haven't heard after 3 mos, it's ok to make an inquiry to the editor. but don't be too persistent."

on answering reviews
"answer every point clearly, thoroughly and respectfully (emphasized).
"if you get referee review, deal with every single thing.. cover all points.. they don't forget.. it will come back."
"be respectful."
"don't get discouraged. don't reply immediately."

on being rejected
"develop a thick skin. don't be sensitive with reactions/rejections..
..everyone gets rejected..
..try not to be upset or if upset, do not reply or do not react/write to editor immediately."
..if rejected, i think it is a good idea not to reply (although some say thank you etc.)
"the paper on the 'market for lemons' authored by Akerlof, Spence, and Stiglitz  got turned down. this paper got them the nobel prize in 2001."

on authorship
"be more generous rather than less generous. you make less enemies that way."
"if data gathered is for multiple purpose such as census etc., those involved in the conceptualization and analysis will be considered authors. if data is gathered for a specific purpose, then everyone should be included; if there is a grey area--involved somehow in doing the analysis or significant contribution...be more generous than less generous."

on writing style
"1st person or 3rd person? personal choice..
his personal choice: "stay using the third person but do it in active voice."
"review of literature is required in a thesis because you have to do a review and know the literature, but in a paper, you are talking to those who already know the literature."
"know your literature even if you don't write all of it in your paper."
"1 idea 1 paper"
"general note: make it easy for the reader as you can. make acronyms scarce. don't use acronyms or use sparingly.."
"on Introduction, set up what the problem is, what you did, what you found, and what it means..new trend: they put enough conclusions in the introduction..
.. make it concise..put something to hook the reader.."
"on Revlit, bring it up when you need it. more and more, no section on review of literature..but some do have."
"length of articles - average - 20 pages o a little over with 1.5 spacing"
"Scientific writing should be very crisp and short-sentence writing."
"logical structure of writing a paper - what is the problem/issue? what did you do? what did you find out? what does it mean?"

on research

Wrong: "I have learned about a technique and I want to show that I can use it."
Wrong: "Do not gather data, then find people who can use it."
Right: "Figure out what you want to do, then collect data to answer it."
Right: "Collect only data you need for the analysis at hand."
"On method, other people should be able to replicate it."
"keep looking for interesting things. it can be trivial, but interesting."
"ask why questions."
"talk to colleagues."
"pay attention."
"read."
"read newspapers."
"be aware of what is going around you."
"attend seminars not only on your field."
"write working papers and circulate to get feedbacks. great way to get comments/meet people."
"develop a research program..build on one project unto another.

on strategies of selecting journals
"ask yourself how good is this paper?"
"does it fit in the top journals? where can it be acceptable?"
"submit to where you think it is acceptable and get rejected"
"get comments, improve it even more"
"submit again"
"editors and referees are scarce resources"

on acknowledgment
"acknowledge fund support and technical support"

others
"be a referee. not good not to referee, you take but not give."